Concept of the Collar

The concept of a collar conjures up a multitude of connotations for Dominant (Master) and submissive (slave). These impressions range from abject rejection of a device that suggests ownership, humiliation, and control to wistful longing for this honor as the pinnacle of intimacy and bonding in a BDSM relationship.

From a pragmatic perspective, a collar is a useful aide. It allows me to control and direct a girl with a simple hook of my finger in the ring. It also provides an attachment point for a leash or lead if I wish to have my woman crawl or follow. It can be used creatively to loop a nipple chain and keep a woman in the correct posture, and it is an effective hitching point when immobilizing a woman on a spanking bench, table, corner, closet, cage, or other apparatus.

A collar becomes much more when I move from simple pleasures of the flesh to the erotic expanse of the mind. When a woman comes to me, desperately needing to cast off the responsibilities and stresses of her day and fall into the blissful space we occupy, I use ritual and protocol to hasten and enhance her descent. In this context, a collar can be her mental portal to the fringe of darkness.

Indeed. When she strips, she casts off the trappings of the vanilla world. As she kneels before me, she descends into a submissive posture. I strap on her leather cuffs and allow her to feel the transition of control from strong, independent woman to eager, hungry submissive. Yet, it takes my collar around her neck to bring her to her place under me - to know she no longer needs to make decisions or lead. She need only to do - and do to the best of her ability.

A collar can also mean so much more when used as a symbolic device to define the purest essence a BDSM relationship. I am referring to the act of “collaring” a submissive. And I respect that opinions and protocols abound on the significance and protocol of “collaring” and I'm going to talk specifically about what it means to me. 

I see this in a fairly straightforward manner. A woman attracts me with her energy, personality, passions in life, perversions,  appearance, and willingness to submit only to me and submit with her entire soul.  She endears herself to me by demonstrating sincerity, eagerness/hunger to serve, loyalty, respect, sensuality, and passion. She becomes part of me if our union transcends into intense feelings that cannot be easily described with words.

 If a woman is right for me, I feel a connection that pervades body, mind, heart, and soul. I experience joy, relaxation, and bliss with her at my side or under me. This compels me to take her as mine, fully and completely, and to inspire her to be her best in all she attempts in her life. It motivates me to be the best I can be as her Dominant, and it empowers me to journey froward with her as far as the path might take us into the darkness of our pleasures.

This is when I “collar” a woman. There is no way to predict how or when this moment comes. I will know - I will act - and I will explain what MY collar signifies around her neck.  But there is a huge difference from me using a collar playing with a sub, and collaring a girl -- making her my property and signifying a very deep and long lasting relationship.

I want my women to know this is no “ordinary” BDSM relationship - and a true collaring is something take as seriously as a wedding ring...no, more so.  So her collar is no “ordinary” collar. It should be 100% waterproof as it is never, ever meant to be taken off. Indeed, if my Ashlie is to pass away, she will go wearing her collar. Obviously, I would never, ever consider collaring a girl I did not care deeply for. Love is a wonderful thing when expressed through BDSM. 

A collar is the link between us. A sub will feel the energy it holds, and she will revel in her bond with me. It is also something that links her to her slave sisters. Reminding her that she is equal with them. That they are in this together.

All collars I select must be able to be worn in public. So I like those that have a look and feminine feel to them that remind one of a necklace.  Of course, rings, bracelets, and anklet may also be added to the set...but they must be very strong -- stainless steel, titanium or some other rustproof, durable and strong metal.

Yet the form is not nearly as important as the symbolism and the meaning. It will allow her to see and feel me wherever she goes. And it reminds her that she is, and will always be, my slave, my slut, and my property. 

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COLLARS

I have been lucky enough to have collared several women -- and barring being hit by a bus, I intend to collar some more. There’s almost nothing as arousing to me as seeing my slave wearing my collar and believe me, at is almost entirely a mental thing. I currently have a slave who wears her collar 24/7 and will continue to do so until I acquire the ultimate collar for her (see the link below.)

You see, in BDSM, a collar is far more than a necklace. It’s meaning is highly symbolic and depending on the circumstances can have essentially the same significance as a wedding ring. In other cases, it is taken off when playtime is done.

In practical terms, a collar is a simple neck band -- very much like the collar that  a dog wears. It can be made of anything, but usually collars are made of leather, metal or rubber.  When a collar has a ring on it, the collar becomes a clear indicator that the wearer is a submissive (or at least a switch.)  Collar can also be worn by the Dominant partner, although these are usually worn as jewelry or accents and do not have a ring on it.  

You may be wondering why the ring on a collar is given such weight in meaning: this stems from a practical use where the ring (often a D-ring) is used to tie the neck of the submissive to either a fixed object or another body part.  D-rings are also frequently used to attach a leash in order to lead the slave around in a form of humiliation play. As far as being humiliated or tied to object goes, this is obviously the role of the submissive and so collars are generally worn by the sub.

Don’t underestimate the value of a collar in restraint either.  Keep in mind that our necks are a very vulnerable part of our bodies and we 

are instinctively protective of it. Too much force on the neck can cut of blood to the brain, oxygen to the lungs, and nourishment to the stomach. All the essentials for life. So restraining a person by the neck means they are forced to favour the restraint so their neck is not compromised.  Additionally, by binding the neck, movement of the head is restricted as is the slave’s ability to see around them.  All of these neck restrictions can be accomplished fairly safely through the use of a collar and NOT by tying rope around a person’s neck.  Any resistance the slave offers will quickly lead to them gasping for breath until they lose the will to resist. 

I do think it’s worth noting that I’ve been fooled into thinking a cute punk girl was into BDSM because she was wearing a collar with a D-ring on it.  This sadly, is not always the case. In the Punk and Goth scenes collars are often worn strictly for fashion.

As I said earlier, collars are sometimes seen as a BDSM type of replacement for a wedding ring and are a symbol of commitment. Many Tops choose, design or even craft the perfect collar for their bottom.  Others even wear bracelets or rings with a subtle d-ring on it as a symbolic collar in vanilla situations.  When a Dominant chooses a collar for his sub and places it on her, it is known as ‘collaring.’  When a sub is owned by a Domme, one would say that the sub is ‘collared” and, if the couple is not poly, then he would be unavailable (as in taken, not single, and he may even have to adjust his relationship status on Facebook, with her permission of course.)

Many subs have a variety of collars that they can wear at different occasions.  Fancy collars may be made of fine metals and even have jewels laid in them for formal occasions. Others like to wear rubber collars for watersports or simply to match a latex outfit. And leather collars are a great reminder that a slave is more of an animal and not at the same level as their Master.

Myself, I prefer an all metal collar because metal collars are extremely durable and can be worn 24/7 during everyday activities like showering or exercise without mishap.  Leather collars do fare as well when they get wet regularly and can start to smell.  Rubber collars overheat like crazy during strenuous exercise and can easily cause a rash with extended wear.

For a metal collar, it should be made entirely of stainless steel or titanium. Both metals are very strong and do not rust or corrode (a rusty collar part is a terrible thing and will also start to stain clothing.)  These metals also do not smell like some metals; especially when in constant contact with skin.  Gold and silver are generally too soft and can deform or break when put under too much stress during a bondage scene. If you do fancy a gold collar, 18k gold is by far the strongest - especially if it is white gold strengthened with nickel.

My absolute favorite collar that I’ve seen so far was one worn by a pretty Asian bondage model that I am friends with. It is titanium and so very light (half the weight of steel) and extremely strong.  It is made by Axsmar and you can see it here.   It’s an extremely beautiful piece with a hidden, interior hex locking bolt that doesn’t interrupt it’s neck matching lines and has a removable sliding ring so it doubles a vanilla necklace. The main drawback is it cost about $850.

Finally, the ultimate use for a collar is to bind several slaves together by the neck. This practice forces the slaves to move as a single unit and has the psychological effect of removing one’s individuality.  Slaves are often tugging on each other and conscious of the slightest movements of their co-enslaved chain-mates.  They must move as a unit, getting up, sitting down and move in cinch when walking. All of this is a constant reminder of their position: as any collar should be.

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