Swinging

Best Case

A lot of people have mentioned swinging as very similar to both BDSM and poly relationships and assume that if you do these things, you also swing.  While it's true that some swingers do practice BDSM, I am certainly not a swinger.  Swinging is the sexual practice of swapping partners for sexual gratification-- but a key difference between poly and swinging is relationships and feelings.  I may come down as slightly hard on swingers in this post, which is not my intention: I'm just trying to point out the differences which make up the spice of life.

I've done several posts on Polyamory which also involves (usually) several sexual partners. However, poly people can form triads, groups and networks where the partners have sex with the same people over and over -- because they care about them.  Swingers, on the other hand, tend to dislike the forming of any emotional connection with the people they are having sex with.  In fact, I've talked to swingers who feel that their partner having sex with someone else is fine, but loving someone else is cheating.  So there is a form of emotional monogamy with swingers who tend to separate the sex act from any form of emotion or real connection.

I have to say, separating sex from love seems utterly wrong to me (as a personal choice) and if I am having sex with someone, it either means I care about them or someone I care for deeply really digs them. If I don't care for the person at all and just think they are hot...I don't tend to fuck them! (Note: I have frequently had the thought that a rather dull girl should be shut up by me putting my dick in her mouth...but the reality is far worse than the fantasy of making her stop talking to me.

I am going to make a sweeping statement here -- totally unfair and biased -- but every swinger I have

More likely case

met has been a slightly unfortunate looking older suburban dweller. I have received invites to go back to some place for a 'swinging party' on a number of occasions and have always politely declines.  Not that I haven't gone out partying and ended up in group sex afterwards...but never under the guise of not having a real connection with the people and just to bump uglies.

I have talked to Swingers too and their concerns about NOT switching partners often enough and starting to develop feelings for a certain person.  So it seemed that goal was to be as promiscuous as possible for the fun of enjoying sex with lots of people.  This is all well and good, but I don't measure my successes from the number of notches on my belt but from how well I have loved.  Hell, I have loved some people deeply and never had sex with them (which is kinda sad, to be honest, as she was very monogamous and I am...not.)

So while swinging is a fine practice for some people, it most definitely is not for me. I feel kinda ooogy thinking about just shagging random girls and forgetting them...so while I most certainly am poly-by-nature I am not at all a swinger and have yet to meet any swingers that really resonated with me.