I am starting this blog off with some definitions of what a 'Home' is for a sub (submissive aka slave.) I will blog about my personal experiences, my wants, desires, and preferences -- but all of these posts will have some real world component such as writing about the things I desire and intend to do to a person in the real world. It will include tips and viewpoints from within the BDSM lifestylem covering safety, emotions, relationships and practical knowledge.
For example, this is what AWESOME Shibari looks like.
And below is what more typical shibari looks like:
So what should a wayward slut look for in a home?
Communication. .. A sub needs to be able to communicate with her Master and to have her Master communicate and actively listen to her. A sub needs to feel as if what she has to say has meaning and is important.
Service... A sub is like a well-made tool, to be used and used well. If a tool is allowed to set in a box somewhere unattended it will rust or become obsolete. A sub must be allowed to serve in order to sharpen her skills and gain experience.
Purpose... As with any individual a sub needs to have a purpose, a reason for her existence.
Structure... A sub needs to be surrounded by structure, order, and discipline. Chaos may lead to change and variety, but within the life of a sub it leads to fear and uncertainty.
Appreciation. .. A sub needs to know her efforts are appreciated and that she is needed. If a sub goes without this form of support then the self-esteem of the sub becomes questionable and hence her performance will suffer.
Discipline.. . A sub expects and needs discipline. This does not mean taking a strap to a sub if she forgets to end a sentence with Master. It means the sub must know what is expected of her, know what is unacceptable and understand the consequences of any deviation of behavior or action. The worst discipline you can bestow on a sub is to not to allow her to serve or to ignore her. The worst punishment of all is to deny the sub the ability to cum for her Master.
Safety... A sub must know she is safe. I may hurt my sub but I will never harm her. A sub has the right to expect a safe, healthy environment…both physically and emotionally. The emotional well being of the sub is of utmost importance to this Master.
Respect... A sub must understand respect and in turn be treated with respect. As an individual everyone deserves some respect, a sub is no different. Just as the Master requires a certain amount of respect so therefore does the sub. A sub who is offering herself fully to her Master is giving you literally everything she has -- and this is a precious gift which is worthy of the highest respect and appreciation.
Honesty... A sub has the right to expect her Master to always be honest with her. To tell a lie is not only dishonorable but it also shreds the fine fabric of trust that is formed between a sub and a Master.
Trust... A sub must be able to trust her Master. This is achieved with time, knowledge and experience. Trust is something built brick by brick, but when that trust is broken those bricks turn into smoke and will not support a relationship.
These are the things that a sub needs. Notice that nowhere does it say a sub needs a collar, scening, or sex.
A collar is a symbol, it may represent commitment but there is no collar in the world that can replace trust or safety. Hence while it may be a symbol cherished by all who proudly wear their Master's symbol, it is a want and not a need.
Scening is something done for the entertainment of one or more parties involved. Some enjoy it; some do not. Never the less scening is no more important than buying pretty new shoes, or getting the latest Harry Potter book. It is a luxury or a reward it is not a need.
Sex like scening may or may not be present within a relationship. Sex is an option, not a need.
Nothing can make a sub feel better than a simple acknowledgement. For the Master to sit the sub down and say, "With all the work you have done today, I honestly don't know what I would do without you." this simple statement will mean more to a sub than anything that can be purchased with money or plastic. While sex is something that may seem like a need do to the frequent demands that this Master places on his slaves -- it is not an absolute core value. With no sex, a sub that has the core values looked after will still be a very happy girl indeed.
While they are quite simple, a sub does indeed have needs, and it is for the benefit of the Master to remember and take care of the sub's needs.
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